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Domestic Violence Awareness · Survivor Voice

The Person Behind The Mask.You Are Not Imagining It.

I'm Hope — a two-time domestic violence survivor. It still took me three years to realize I was living inside psychological and narcissistic abuse. This is my story, the signs I missed, and the help that's out there for you.

Find help right nowRead my story

Use the Quick exit button at the top of this page at any time if you need to leave this site fast.

A journal, tea and purple flowers on a sunlit windowsill
Her Story

His mask. My reality.

I started a Facebook page, and now this website, to say out loud what took me far too long to understand: even as a two-time domestic violence survivor, it took three years before I realized I was in a psychological and narcissistic abusive relationship.

There were no bruises to point to. There was confusion, self-doubt, walking on eggshells, and a version of him the world never got to see. This site follows my journey — becoming aware, finding a way out, healing, and rebuilding a life that feels like mine again. It's also here so you don't have to figure it out alone or take three years to name what's happening to you.

Awareness
Believed
Supported
Healing
Recognize the Signs

Abuse doesn't always leave a mark.

If you're reading these and your stomach drops, that's information — not overreacting. You don't need a bruise to deserve help.

The Invisible Signs

Constant criticism dressed up as jokes. Being told you're too sensitive. Apologizing for things you didn't do. Losing track of what actually happened.

01
The Visible Signs

Yelling, threats, broken things, grabbing, blocking a doorway, driving dangerously to scare you, harming pets, unwanted physical or sexual pressure.

02
Control You Can't See

Your money, phone, car keys, passwords, friendships and family time slowly handed over to him — until leaving feels impossible by design.

03
The Mask in Public

Charming, generous, the person everyone likes. Two completely different people — and only you ever meet the second one.

04
Forms of Abuse

Domestic violence wears more than one face.

Abuse rarely arrives all at once, and it rarely looks like the movies. Here's what it actually looks like — the visible forms, and the invisible ones that do just as much damage.

Psychological & Narcissistic Abuse

Psychological & Narcissistic Abuse

The abuse almost nobody sees — the one that took me three years to name. It works by making you doubt your own memory, instincts and worth.

  • Gaslighting: rewriting what happened until you stop trusting yourself
  • Love-bombing, devaluing, discarding — then doing it all again
  • Silent treatment, guilt trips and blame that always lands on you
  • Isolating you from the people who might say something
No bruises. Deep, lasting injury.
See where to get help
Physical, Sexual & Verbal Abuse

Physical, Sexual & Verbal Abuse

The forms people picture when they hear domestic violence — and the ones most often minimized as temper, stress or a bad night.

  • Hitting, grabbing, shoving, choking, blocking your way out
  • Any sexual contact or pressure you did not freely agree to
  • Screaming, name-calling, threats against you, your kids or pets
  • Punching walls and breaking things to show you what he could do
One time is enough to reach out.
See where to get help
Financial, Digital & Coercive Control

Financial, Digital & Coercive Control

Control that quietly removes your exits, so that by the time you want to leave, leaving looks impossible.

  • Controlling the money, the accounts, the car, the paperwork
  • Tracking your phone, reading your messages, demanding passwords
  • Threats about custody, immigration status, housing or money
  • Constant check-ins and rules about who you see and where you go
Losing your exits is abuse, too.
See where to get help
To every survivor
You are not crazy. You were not imagining it. And you are not alone in this.
A woman standing at a sunlit window, looking out with hope
The Voice Behind This Page

I'm Hope.

I'm not a therapist or a counselor. I'm someone who lived it — twice — and who spent three years inside a relationship that was slowly erasing me before I understood what psychological and narcissistic abuse even was.

I started sharing on Facebook because I kept meeting people who described my exact life and had no words for it either. Awareness came first. Then a plan. Then the long, messy work of getting out, staying out, and learning who I am without someone deciding that for me.

I'm still on that road, and I'll be honest with you about it. What I can offer is someone who believes you the first time, who won't rush you, and who will help you find the professionals and services that can do what I can't.

  • Two-time domestic violence survivor, still walking my own way out.
  • Three years inside psychological and narcissistic abuse before I could name it.
  • Creator of the Facebook page Her Story: His Mask, Her Reality.
  • Here to listen — to men and women alike — without judgment or pressure.
Follow my journey on Facebook
Healing & Rebuilding

There is a way through. It's just not a straight line.

This is the path I'm walking. Some days I move forward three steps, some days one back — and that still counts as healing.

1. Becoming aware

Naming it out loud. Writing down what actually happened so it can't be rewritten. Learning the words — gaslighting, coercive control, trauma bonding — and realizing there's nothing wrong with you.

2. Getting out safely

Leaving is the most dangerous moment, so it needs a plan: a safety plan, documents, money, a trusted person, an advocate on the phone. Slow and safe beats sudden.

3. Healing & rebuilding

Sleep, therapy, boundaries, small joys, new routines. Relearning your own opinions. Building a life and a way of treating people that the abuse never got to touch.

Long-Term Effects

What the trauma leaves behind — and why it isn't weakness.

If you're out and still not okay, this is why. These are normal responses to something that was never normal, and they do get better with support.

In your mind

Anxiety, PTSD, self-doubt

Trauma keeps the alarm switched on long after the danger leaves the room.

  • Hypervigilance — reading every tone, every footstep
  • Flashbacks, nightmares and broken sleep
  • Anxiety, panic, depression and intrusive thoughts
  • Second-guessing your own memory and judgment
In your body

The bill your body pays

Living under stress for years shows up physically, and it's not in your head.

  • Exhaustion, headaches, stomach and digestive problems
  • Chronic pain, tension and a weakened immune system
  • Appetite changes and unexplained weight shifts
  • Startle responses and a nervous system stuck on high
In your life

Trust, work and the people you love

Abuse reaches past the relationship and into everything around it.

  • Isolation from friends and family who were pushed away
  • Trouble trusting kindness — or trusting yourself with people
  • Work, money and housing knocked off course
  • Children who witnessed it and carry it too

Nothing on this page is medical or legal advice. It's lived experience, shared so you can take it to someone qualified to help you.

Ways to Get Help

You don't have to have a plan yet. Just a number.

These are trained advocates and services — free, confidential, and used to hearing exactly what you're about to say.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233

Free, confidential, 24/7. Advocates help with safety planning, shelter and local services.

Text or chat instead
Text START to 88788

If calling isn't safe, text or use the live chat at thehotline.org from a device he can't see.

thehotline.org
Plan, learn, get referrals

Safety-planning tools, definitions of every form of abuse, and help finding services near you.

Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988

If the pain feels unbearable or you're thinking about harming yourself, reach out right now.

YWCA & local programs
ywca.org

Shelter, counseling, legal advocacy and support groups in communities across the country.

Cover your tracks
Browse safely

Use private browsing, a friend's phone or a library computer, and clear your history when you can.

A simple safety plan you can start today

  • 1Keep a bag with ID, medications, cash, keys and copies of documents somewhere safe.
  • 2Pick a code word with one person who will call for help if you send it.
  • 3Save the hotline number under a different name in your phone.
  • 4Write down dates, messages and photos of what happens — store them off your phone.
  • 5Know two ways out of the home and where you'll go first.
  • 6Call an advocate before you leave; leaving is the most dangerous moment.
Questions

The things people ask me quietly.

If your question isn't here, ask me anyway. Nothing is too small, too late or too complicated to bring.

Reach Out

Say the first sentence. I'll take it from there.

Whether you're in it, out of it, worried about someone, or simply need to be believed for five minutes — write to me. No judgment, no pressure, no timeline.

herstory.hismask.herreality@gmail.comFacebook MessengerHer Story: His Mask, Her Reality
Want to help or contribute?

Sharing this page, or telling one person the signs, already helps. If you'd like to contribute toward reaching more survivors, email me and I'll tell you exactly where it goes.

Please read before you write

I'm a survivor, not a crisis service, and I can't always answer right away. If you are in danger call 911. For free confidential help any hour, call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. If your phone or computer may be monitored, use a device he can't reach.

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